Saturday, July 22, 2006

How SuperNanny would deal with Islamists

As any good parent knows, there are five ways to deal with bad behaviour from children. Maybe the same should be applied to the hysterical wailings of the Islamists.

They are, in increasing order of effectiveness

i) Appeasement - "oh little Jonny doesn't normally behave this way, he must be feeling a little low. What can we do to help you Jonny? TV? Playstation? more crisps? Oh please dont say that Jonny, why are you mad at mummy?"

Causes of parental appeasement; guilt (often as a result of absence), weakness
Result; bad behaviour increases in both the short and long term

ii) Angry retaliation - "shut the fuck up Jonny. If you ever do that again i swear i'll kill you" Result; immediate cessation of bad behaviour but serious problems loom longer term as vengeance is planned

iii) Ignore - say nothing, do nothing
Result; bad behaviour persists in the short term but less likely to be repeated.

iv) Ridicule - "look at little Jonny. What a temper tantrum! What a baby! Would you like some milk little baby?"
Result; immediate cessation of bad behaviour but seething resentment builds

v) Deal with bad behaviour on the spot and appropriately punish - "Jonny - that is not acceptable. If this persists, you will not be going to football on Saturday"
Result; bad behaviour stops, child realises he is in the wrong and is less likely to play up again, parent retains moral authority and respect.

The best overall approach is to use (v) most frequently with sprinklings of (ii), (iii) and (iv) thrown in. Maybe Jo, the SuperNanny on Channel 4, should be commissioned to do a new series on "Dealing with Islamists - helping Western governments become better parents"