The Tories; fashion victims no more?

Ian Duncan Smith writes in the Sunday Times of his astonishment that 58% of the population would never even consider voting Tory at the next election.

He reasons that Labour's "monopoly on compassion" and voter guilt for supporting a "heartless" party are the causes for this alarming statistic.

The actual reason is rather simpler. The Conservatives are the political equivalent of wearing Grandma knitted V-neck jumpers, listening to Dire Straits, plane spotting, or supporting Manchester United from your 3-bed semi in Tunbridge Wells . They are desperately unfashionable.

However, good news is on the horizon for the hapless Tories. One of the most unfashionable aspects of modern life is success; nothing is cooler than failure. After three thumpings at the polls, it can only be a matter of time before the North London trendsetters declare their allegiance to a new, caring Conservative movement. Long live the new Tories.