You have two cows...

Private Equity; You have two cows. You come home from the fields one day to
find Henry Kravis chatting to your spouse at the dining-room table. Two days later, you have no spouse, no farm, and no table. The cows are now being milked 24/7. Their grass is imported from Bangalore.

Currency Market; You have two cows. China has 1 trillion cows. Guess who sets the price of milk?

Hedge Funds; You have two cows. A 30yr old guy in Chinos who has never been to a farm, drives up in his Bentley and offers to take care of them for you in return for a year's supply of steak and 50% of their milk. They won't be allowed to leave his compound for two years. Six months later, you have half a cow, producing sour milk. ``You have to be willing to lose rump today to get rib-eye tomorrow,'' the hedge-fund guy mumbles through a mouthful of sirloin and champagne.

The Greens; You have two cows. They produce 1.2 tons of methane gas per day. The government gives you enough emission permits for six cows. You sell three permits, buy another cow, and apply for a European Commission grant to build a methane-gas
power station.

Google; You have no cows. You slap advertisements on everyone else's cows. The milk floods in. You use the proceeds to reinvent the cow.

Apple Inc.; Nobody wants your cows. You design the cutest little milk bottle. Now, everybody wants your cows.

Russia; You have two cows. Comrade, those cows are an environmental hazard. We suggest you hand one of them over to us. You do. It dies. Gazprom buys the other for, err, nothing. You are sent to Siberia.

Little Green Footballs; You have two cows. You sell them for pigs. Just to piss off the Muslims.