Pommygranate: December 2006

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

BPARD - A Pom's worst nightmare

The British People Against Racial Discrimination have reported Tooheys to the Advertising Standards Board over an advert that claims their brand is "cold enough to scare a pom."

BPARD spokesman, David Thomason, claims the word 'pom' is

"every bit as bad as the term n***er".

Err, no, Dave, it isn't. It has no slave connotations nor is it offensive. Dickhead.

BPARD apparently has as committee of 14 and branches in Perth and Melbourne. Dave is, according to Google, a 58 year-old retired gas fitter who emigrated in 1970.

The Human Righs and Equal Opportunity Commission has classified the word 'pom' as inoffensive but would act on the phrase 'filthy pom'.

Dave - fuck off, get a life and get out more. You're an embarassment to your country.

Update; these muppets have lost their case. Nearly as heart-warming as the news that Warney will be retiring.

Update; more here. There's a lot of people who dont like each other on these threads...

A victory for tolerance and freedom

On Dec 14th, three Victorian Court of Appeal Judges unanimously threw out a previous judgement from the Victorian Civil and Administrative Appeals Tribunal (VCAT) that two Christian pastors had engaged in conduct that incited hatred and contempt for Islam.

This was the first test case under Victoria's controversial Racial and Religious Tolerance Act of 2001 brought by the Islamic Council of Victoria against two Catch the Fire Ministers.

VCAT had alleged that the Ministers had caused 250 Christians to "laugh at" Islam during a seminar in 2002.

The case was sent back to the original tribunal to be heard by a different judge. The Islamic Council of Victoria was ordered to pay half the costs.

Mr. Scot, one of the accused, had apparently read quotations fro the Koran which "made fun of Muslim beliefs in a hostile and demeaning manner".

A victory for common sense?

Not, according to Australia's Islamophobic Watch, which screamed that the "Christian right in Australia has been given the green light to incite hatred against Islam".

Mr Scot added that "people should know it [Islam] from the primary sources, and not be misled by politically correct teachers who don't know the reality of Islam and want to glorify it with false pretensions and assumptions."

Monday, December 18, 2006

Time Person of the Year

On behalf of the whole pommygranate family, i would like to dedicate this award to my beautiful wife, loving children, the Lord Jesus Christ, bla bla.

Enough.

Why did Time really vote me as their 'Person of the Year'?

i) Given the competition (Nancy, W, Condi, Hugo, the Mad Mullah, Lil Kim), i certainly deserved it.

ii) Take a look at the online voting. Hugo Chavez is miles in front. Followed by Ahmadinnerjacket of Iran.

Perhaps Time panicked and in an attempt to hide its increasingly barking readers' views, plumped for the least controversial recipient. i.e. me.

Anyways, it will certainly look good on the CV.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Australia's sharks are back

Update; call me a scaredy-cat but are the waters of NSW just teeming with sharks? And i don't mean the nice ones you get in England.

Feb 2; surfer mauled by a Great White in Lennox Head, NSW
Jan 23; Abalone diver half-eaten by Great White again in NSW
Dec 12; a dozen hammerhead sharks were spotted just 150m off the Wollongong coast, near Sydney.

As a result of the friendly-looking creatures below having returned to Sydney's waters, the heli patrols are back.

Australia suffers about one shark fatality per year, which is astonishing as these waters, according to one expert, are 'packed with sharks - bulls, hammerheads and pointers'.

Yes, pointers. Known to the rest of the world as the Great White Shark. In typical Australian style, they take one of the most ferocious predators on the planet (one of the few with a genuine claim to dinosaur heritage) and change its rather alarming name to the 'Pointer', which sounds about as scary as a mackerel.

Update; 'pointer' mauls surfer off Bells Beach in Melbourne last night and leaves his teeth in the guy's wetsuit as souvenier.

What happened to the Bikini March?

I was looking forward to taking some pics and joining in with the demonstrators last weekend at the Great Bikini march.

The rally had been planned as a protest against recent inflammatory comments (women who get raped are basically asking for it) made by Australia's most senior Muslim cleric, Sheik Hilali. However, the organisers came in for some pretty heavy personal attacks from the media, which eventually forced them to abandon the event. Choosing the anniversary of the Cronulla riots as march day was fairly insensitive to put it mildly.

The rally also looked as though it was going to attract some fairly unsavoury types, namely Stormfront.

"Some people are very powerful -- it would appear that free speech in a tolerant society is not tolerated," march organisers stated on their website.

Christine Hawkins, the rally organiser was interviewed on ABC radio. She was given a fairly hard time by the interviewer.

Slackbastard has lots of info on his website.

This story has much further to run and should allow me to feature plenty more scantily-clad 'uncovered meats'.

Brits leaving Britain

The number of British citizens who chose to leave for good doubled from 53,000 in 2001 to 107,000 last year, according to the Institute for Public Policy Research. All in, some 5.5 million Brits now live abroad. The most popular destinations are Australia, Spain, the US and Canada. Going the other way are some 300,000 immigrants into Britain.

It is not surprising to see people move around but it is surprising to see the number leaving Britain permanently double in just five years.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

The curious incident of Iktimal Hage-Ali

Further update; Iktimal Hage-Ali has relinquished the title of NSW Young Australian of the Year following controversy surrounding her arrest over an alleged cocaine supply ring.

There's definitely more to this story than meets the eye.

Update;

The Australian reports that a former member of Strike Force Gain - set up to investigate shootings involving young men of Middle Eastern descent in southwest Sydney and a forerunner to the Middle Eastern Crime Squad - is the brother of the co-founder of the Muslim Village, the website that attacked Ms Hage-Ali for speaking out against Sheik Hilali.

Friends of Ms Hage-Ali said yesterday the she was a victim of a smear campaign because she had criticised Sheik Hilali over a Ramadan sermon interpreted as justifying rape.
Another friend said her opponents were tarnishing "her reputation because she doesn't wear the headscarf".

Curiouser and curiouser

Update; was Iktimal the victim of a Daily Telegraph stitch-up?
Did they know about her Nov 22 arrest and subsequent release before they dubbed her the state's most promising young Muslim leader?

Crikey is pretty sure they did and accuses The Telegraph of a 'pump and dump' strategy more commonly associated with Pop Idol contestants.

Turns out Iktimal is actually an Alawi, a Syrian branch of Shi'a Islam. Many Muslims commenting on local forums are claiming that Alawis are not proper Muslims. True?

3/1/07 update; now that the title of Young Australian of the Year is vacant, this remarkable young woman is a possible replacement for Iktimal.

Office Christmas Party

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November 2006
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m.. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.Merry Christmas to you and your Family. Pauline---------------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November 2006
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family,Pauline.-----------------------------------------------------------------

FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th November 2006
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and Management believe £10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED. Pauline.------------------

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November 2006
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything up for you to take home in alittle foil doggy bag. Will that work?Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food: we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first.. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!Pauline.-----------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November 2006
RE: The F******** Holiday Party.

Vegetarian pricks. I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it, you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feelings too, they scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!! I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink, drive and die.The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!---------------------------------------------

FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: 9th November 2006
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Iktimal Hage-Ali vilified for toasting her success

The rather delicious looking 22 year old, Iktimal Hage-Ali, has become the target of a hate campaign from her fellow Muslims after admitting that she celebrated her award as Australian of the Year, with a glass of champagne.

"It's true, I was celebrating. Bloody hell, I had a glass of champagne in my hand – so what?"

Vile woman. Or as one commenter on Muslim Village said,

"drinking champagne, that is sick"

Quite. Especially if it's not Cristal.

She was also accused of other heinous crimes such as

"wearing revealing clothes"
"wearing nail polish"
"wearing make-up."

Update and thickening plot; Iktimal has been arrested, but not charged, in a police cocaine raid.

Ms Hage-Ali is the youngest member of John Howard's Muslim Community Reference Group and a former deputy chair of the State Government's Youth Advisory Council.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Aggers and Jonners

Is this the funniest 90 seconds ever on British radio?

It's the wonderful giggling fit by Jonners and Aggers over Botham's dismissal by Curtley Ambrose in the 1991 Oval Test match.

I still cry with laughter at Jonners' attempt to carry on with the commentary.

Takes my mind off the Ashes.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

White Cliffs of Dover

I have now been sent this 'White Cliffs of Dover' email joke from ten different people (all with impeccable anti-racist credentials i might add).

I thought it was rather funny as did my various groups of friends judging by the email traffic.

Forwarding on this email cost Tory councillor and prospective parliamentary candidate, Ellenor Bland, her job.

The Liberal Democrats have been first off the mark. Ed Davey, chair of campaigns and communications said: ‘Despite David Cameron’s best PR efforts, the Conservative party clearly continues to contain some deeply unpleasant elements.’ The Lib Dems have even reported the matter to the Commission for Racial Equality.

However, unless there is more to the email than this photo, i fail to see what is racist about this caption. Xenophobic possibly, but definitely not racist. And anyway, isn't the "piss off - we're full" now the government's official line, since we are not letting in the Romanians and the Bulgarians?

Being accused of racism is still a crime worse than death. But the word's meaning is broadening by the day.

In the UK, a racist used to be someone who insulted people with dark skins. It is now someone who insults people with thin skins. I